Slowknife: A Study Of Fear

by Gaffer Project

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emanramen Fantastic album. Uncomfortable in it's honesty in all the best ways. Love it. Favorite track: A Little More.
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Slowknife: A Study of Fear is a lyrical identification of a series of fears we struggle with and we feel those who listen may also relate. It is our hope that identifying these fears we may all begin to work past them.

Changed, the fear of a lack of control.

A Hardened Heart, the fear of becoming bitter and jaded.

Dying, the fear of not truly living.

Without, the fear of losing what you hold dear.

A Father, the fear of repeating the mistakes of past generations and the fear of raising the next.

The Slowknife, an instrumental to reflect on these fears.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25


released June 23, 2017

Guest Appearances:
A Little More: Rebecca Mellas on Cello

As David: Eric Stevens on Piano and Andrew Nolan on Guitar

Changed: Rebecca Mellas on Cello

A Hardened Heart: Kyle Phillips on Vocals

Dying: Jarrett Michael on Guitar, Rebecca Mellas on Cello

Without: Rebecca Mellas on Cello and Ricky Gentek on Vocals

A Father: Nicholas Williams on Guitar, Luke Williams on Vocals
and Rebecca Mellas on Cello.

The Slowknife: Rebecca Mellas on Cello

Sinks in: Rebecca Mellas on Cello

Mixing and Mastering Provided by Ryan Stidham of Atlas F Studio

Album Art by Rachel Scott Doyle

Photography by Cassie Zielinski

Recorded in cooperation with Coal Chute Recording and Silver Seraph Studios.



all rights reserved


Gaffer Project Roanoke, Virginia

A drum and bass two piece rock band based out of Southwestern Virginia.
It consists of Jordan Doyle and Christian Holliday.
Gaffer Project was established in August of 2011.

A Gaffer is an old English term for a lamp lighter.
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Track Name: A Little More
I am afraid. I fear being alone. Growing old. Settling down.
And it may sound selfish, but if we’re being honest,
I’m afraid of not getting what I want.
But I also fear the fact that I don’t always know what I want.
I’m afraid of not giving myself to God.
I’m afraid of not giving myself to my wife.
I’m afraid of being consumed by bitterness
and cynicism; not holding to my innocence.
Not pushing myself, not changing myself, but I’m also afraid of change.
I’m afraid of becoming something I may hate or dying a boring person.
I fear being a father; repeating my father’s mistakes.
I fear having children that grow up to then recent me.
I fear having children at all, but also fear dying without them.
I fear loosing my creativity, my friends and my family.
Over this, every night, I loose sleep. A little more.
Track Name: As David
As I am poured out like water, as my bones are pulled their joints;
And with our hearts like wax; we begin to melt away.
I hear a melody
It whispers softly to me in my sleep
As if a recurring dream
It sings in silent symphony
My heart is an echo
From a time before I even could breath
I lay hallow with a chest full of lead.
With bloodshot eyes and gnashing of teeth
In the knowledge that prefect love casts out fear
With my Judas lips, I reach to kiss Your cheek.
We weave your words through our hollow ribs,
In hopes your heart will bleed through.
We pour out our fears in humble celebration
In the promise that we will be a made anew.
Oh my sides are filled with burning now, and there is no solace to my flesh.
I am feeble and I am crushed now; I groan with a heart, oh so tumultuous.
Humming along
stagnant yet relentlessly
Giving myself daily
To anyone who will take me
My heart steeped in selfishness
And my grand of delusions mediocrity
I wanna be a man after your own heart,
But I am terrified, I am terrified.
I wanna be a man after your own heart,
But I am terrified, I am terrified.
Track Name: Changed
I feel the tightening grip around my neck, that thirteen-coil knot.
Chains pulls at my spine, dance hand in hand inside vacancy lots.
I sink into nothingness, my daily routine self of hate.
Keep pushing myself, keep pushing myself, but I’m terrified of change.
Why am I so quick to hate the things I don’t understand?
And say what you will, but you and I are just the same. We’re just the same.
Your yoke is easy and your burden is light,
And I will no longer fear change in my life.
I have given You, my life, and that means loss of control.
Track Name: A Hardened Heart (feat. Kyle Phillips of Mongrels)
Moved by nothing, unable to laugh, unable to cry,
unable to feel, unable to love, and never caring why.
In my utter lack of taste, as I’ve lost my saltiness.
Adrift in seas of grace, I still hold to my loneliness.
I cling tight to my depression, it digs in as a slow knife.
As I grow absent from my friends, my family and my wife.
Never patient, never giving, never helping those in need.
Part of the selfish nation, taught only want and only greed.
And to the homeless man from whom I choose to divert my vision.
I know God speaks everyday, whether or not I choose to listen.
Make room, my heart is not dead, no it’s only sleeping.
We meander on, one day to the next.
Why go on living, with a hole in your chest?
I run from your eye, I run at first glance.
You played the flute, but I, too self-absorbed to dance.
I, the king of nothing, see only in black.
With a hardened heart, we slowly drift apart.
I sing out of tune, my spirit grows cold.
With a hardened heart, we slowly drift apart.
We used to be together, we used to walk as friends.
With a hardened heart, we slowly drift apart.
I used to seek you out. I used to listen.
With a hardened heart, we slowly drift apart.
Undo my bitterness, undo my cynicism.
Undo my hardened heart, in the grace that you impart.
Undo my hatred, undo my anger.
Undo my hardened heart, in the love that you impart.
Undo my neglect, undo my contempt.
Undo my hardened heart, in the mercy you impart.
Undo my apathy, undo my malaise.
Undo my hardened heart, in the love that you impart.
I give you my everything, I pray it be my all.
Your heart I would desire most, Now Jesus, draw me close.
Now draw me close.
Track Name: Dying
Daytime television
We fade into obscurity
Dying alone and boring
With a memory held by uncertainty
Though these thoughts aren’t my own,
will I loose my mind, darling?
Do I become something I hate,
Afraid of not truly living?
If you’re terrified of dying, how will you ever truly live?
I’m not afraid of dying, I’m scared of not truly living.
I’m not afraid of dying, I’m scared of squandering the life that I’ve been given.
I bristle at the thought, that in this death there is no hope.
And that life in all of it’s beauty, is somehow a mistake.
Jesus remember me, when you come to your kingdom.
Life is a beautiful dream, that pales in the beauty in which we will awake.
A life lived in show business
A finale for an old friend.
What gives life so much value,
Is the fact that there is an end.
And yet I still spit in face of the grace that I’ve been given.
Track Name: Without (feat. Ricky Gentek of Sons)
I used to write every day, unable to keep from spilling onto the page.
Now it takes every fiber of me, to string together simple soliloquy.
In search of the relief, we chip at hardened hearts bit by bit.
I daily relearn my creativity because I’m terrified of loosing it.
And I am terrified of loosing it.
I grew up surrounded by good friends tucked inside of a minimum wage.
Now separated by new jobs, new families and new rates for postage.
Life is too short for small talk, in the midst of all the mayhem.
I try to hold my friends closely for I am terrified of loosing them.
And I am terrified of loosing them.
I lost my Grandfather in the fall and Grandmother in the spring.
She loved her flowers and he loved to watch the leaves as they changed.
Even as we must grow up like flowers and trees from our stem,
I love my family dearly and I’m terrified now of loosing them.
Track Name: A Father (feat. Luke Williams of Born Hollow)
Do I repeat my father mistakes?
Will my children resent me?
Do I grow old and die alone?
Or will my children bury me?
And I feel that I’ve walked home every day in the rain,
And I followed you because you said you knew my pain.
And if I being evil, know how to give goodness to my children,
how much more will the father give to those who ask of him?
I carry half of my father, and I carry half of my mother.
I carry half of their dreams and I carry half of their failures.
I am terrified of raising a child, their life in my hand,
But somehow terrified at the thought that I may die without them.
And to my future children, should I even entrusted with them.
I’m sure I’m unprepared, for the gift that I’ve been given.
I will do my best for you, whatever that may be.
You never know want, and will never know need.
I will never stop trying, and I will never give up.
Supplying correction, I pray it shown in love.
Grace you are good and I’m just here trying.
Oh father’s let go down, wont you come one down.
Do I repeat my father mistakes?
Will my children resent me?
Do I grow old and die alone?
Or will my children bury me?